Tuesday, October 19

Care, dependency and communication

Currently there is the feeling that we have already talked, written and reflected too much and / or enough about dependency and care. These are words that are sometimes difficult to make sense of and it almost seems that you already have to avoid using them to compensate for that overuse. But, in my day to day, I find lots of experiences of my own and of others that lead me to think that we have to continue at it. Yes, it has not been enough yet. Due to different rhythms, to different generations, reflections sometimes repeat themselves and we go around the same thing over and over again. This reality does not imply that you have to stop talking, writing and reflecting on it. Not only is there a long way to go, but that road has millions of forks and nooks and crannies to consider.

The other day, speaking with a friend, I kept the following idea to savor and integrate later: «It is curious how the stale residue that transcends having a deep self-knowledge and an assertive and sincere communication, is the perception that those of us who possess these qualities we need to be cared for more than other people. But if the other person does not tell me what they need and what they feel, how will I know? How will I take care of them? » Being cared for as we want to be cared for is a shared process.

Expressing our emotions, needs and desires is a huge job of introspection, of investing time and money in therapy, of analysis and self-criticism, of trying to get to know ourselves better and change what is not working. However, thanks to individualism, fast consumption and the rejection of the communicative (women talk too much, you are hysterical), instead of being something that is valued from us, we run the risk of being seen as an excess of demands and as a sign of too much dependency or undesirable dependency.

We fall into the trap that the people who communicate the most and best are very dependent, we need a lot of care and, between the lines because it is ugly to say so, we are a bit heavy. As if communicating is not caring, as if the other person does not have responsibility in their communication and as if we do not also take care when we are bad. As if it were not dependence that in a relationship one of the parties communicates more, identifies more, analyzes more, initiates more complicated conversations. Without that, relationships don’t work. And for that reason, there are continuous flows that come, go and intermingle to connect care, dependency and communication.

We are interdependent beings, We need one from another and neither can nor do we want to be aloneSo perhaps it would be interesting to name the ways of relating to each other that hurt us at the same time that, as another good friend says, we think about what resistances arise in us towards our own and other people’s dependencies.

Be careful (worth the redundancy) with what stories and what narratives prevail. We are no longer dependent for initiating intense and difficult conversations, for expressing what we feel or what we need, and certainly not for showing ourselves vulnerable, for crying, or for knowing how to ask for help. In fact, thanks to all that we progress, we are stronger, more capable of evaluating ourselves and identifying what is happening. Communicating is an act of resistance for many. Illuminating the dark, naming, poking around, is a way of draining that perennial fear that we absorb to the bone. A fear that has to do with being silenced, with being hurt, with being cut off from our path. In the dark, in the cryptic, in the lack of communication; We cannot orient ourselves, it is difficult to visualize the structural and feel safe. Let us continue then in this endless process of visibility, let us bring light to the hidden places along the way.


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