Friday, March 29

Give birth like an influencer

I am 19 weeks pregnant and now that my belly appears like a protuberance announcing the chaotic and multitasking future that awaits me, now that it can no longer be hidden and it is evident that I harbor life inside me, many people ask me about two things: if We already have a name and where I plan to give birth. And no, I admit that I have no answer for either of them. In my case, I am still digesting basic pregnancy issues, adjusting to the new situation, which keeps changing every day, trying to be aware of accompanying what my body is going through and, at the same time, drawing red lines to violence while I respond to hundreds of requirements of the productive and often dehumanizing system in which we live. So no, I haven’t decided where to give birth, now my big battle is finding panties in my size that fit me well.

But if I have discovered something in what I have been in pre-maternity, it is that there is no need to doubt. Even if you do not have answers, it is better to pretend to have one, it is better to say that you have a plan, however ambiguous it may seem. Because it is frowned upon that mothers are not human calculators and rely on chance or simply flow. If you are not able to decide or respond, someone will tell you what to do. And that happened to me; In one of the many times that I was asked where I would give birth, I let a hint of doubt appear, and wham! I became an easy prey for the lady in front of me: “And why don’t you give birth like Verdeliss?” She told me.

Of course, I was amazed at her impudence, but I was also amazed at the level of information that the lady handled in terms of social networks. I had no idea what she was talking about, but I turned to the oracle / instagram and there I found it almost effortlessly. Verdeliss: Influencer woman who had given birth in a swimming pool, in her house, surrounded by her creatures, broadcasting the birth on social networks. Result: a daughter and trending topic of the day

The controversy was served, many angles of the life of the influencer and her family were scrutinized. There were those who appreciated that she shared another way of giving birth and also those who criticized her, assuring that she used her daughters and sons. And between dimes and diretes I only wanted to identify the brand of the pool that she had used and I found myself saying to myself: “I also want to give birth like Verdeliss”. But can anyone give birth in a pool at her house?

Here, once again, a little trick of Instagram and social networks in general, which plunge us into the reverie of thinking that we, the mundane, civilian, ordinary women, could also give birth as we wanted, and if our plan was to give birth in a swimming pool in our own house, what prevented us? Yes, you can.

To begin with, I live in a rental house, a third without an elevator, a wooden building where the walls are peeling and damp is rampant because the landlord, who owns the entire building, does not want to invest in repairs. Also, if I fart my neighbor downstairs finds out, and if I stay awake at night and get up, the floor of my house creaks as if it were going to open up and swallow me whole. I doubt that the structure of the year 1890 could withstand the weight of a swimming pool filled with water of considerable dimensions by exerting pressure only at one point on the floor. And all this, with a woman in labor inside. I don’t even want to imagine the possibility of giving birth and that the ground cracks and the guy below appears on the floor, me, with my baby, my uterus, liters of water, blood, pee… and the placenta.

I guess it shouldn’t be an option for women who live in small apartments either. Can you imagine a family that lives in 60 square meters deciding where to put the damn pool? The conversation could go something like this:

– Cari, the pool doesn’t fit anywhere. Either we take the furniture from the living room to the landing or we put it in the kitchen, which is the largest hole.

– Well, I don’t know… it’s that giving birth between saucepans and pots of peas is not what I had dreamed of…

Not to mention that this option is not covered by the public health system in the Spanish State and can involve a significant expense depending on the economic resources that we have. In addition to renting the pool, you must get the services of health professionals to assist you and your child, which can mean an extra outlay of around 2,000 euros. And in reality it is little for the great work that midwives and birth attendants do, sometimes invisible and little recognized. But it is obvious that such a delivery is not suitable for all pockets.

And the truth is that it would be ideal for women to have the possibility to choose how and where we want to give birth, and for this we should talk about the shortcomings of the health system and the patriarchal vision still inherent in the accompaniment of pregnancies, but, above all, , of financial autonomy, of having decent salaries, of the wage gap, of precariousness, of the right to decent housing, of access to information; material issues, basically. Because, deep down, the ones who can afford to choose are the women who have privileges.

And this is not what social networks talk about, showing us privileges disguised as advice and alternatives. It doesn’t matter if you’re on the left or on the right, if you look at the more traditional maternity hospitals, if you opt for more progressive ideas or if you’re eco friendly or hippy, because there is a market niche that is waiting for you. Rather, motherhood has become a millionaire market that they are exploiting to perfection. They’re like the magazine advertorials Hello!, but with the perverse idea that your life can become like this one day. And no, because what they sell can never be universal and accessible.

I have come to the conclusion that absolutely everything that influencers sell us about motherhood and absolutely everything that involves a decision has a class bias; co-sleeping or not, accessing a leave of absence to spend more time with the baby, giving hypnobirthing classes, signing up for pilates for pregnant women, buying bottles of pichiflu anti-colic… Everything. Among other things, because I haven’t seen poor influencer mothers yet, and that’s a problem.

Thus, as social networks are themselves crossed by neoliberalism and the most brutal capitalism, most information consciously or unconsciously reinforces the ideal of the selfless mother, enhances the tyranny of guilt and deepens stigmas and wounds. We thought they were already closed. It’s about deciding, yes. But not that a few can do it and exhibit it, but that we all have the opportunities and the real resources to do it.



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