Wednesday, October 27

WHAT IF…? Spanish people

What if Iván Redondo had not worked for Pedro Sánchez?

On February 9, 2017, Pedro Sánchez prepares to call Iván Redondo. At that precise moment, the socialist receives a call from Vodafone. In it, a commercial offers you fiber optics at an unbeatable price. Sánchez, happy with Movistar, hangs up and calls Redondo, but his mobile is busy.

In that brief interval, which will forever change the history of our country, Redondo has answered another call. This is Antonio María Rouco Varela, who requests the services of the advisor for an unknown sum. Redondo, a practicing atheist, does a quick euro-pesetas conversion and accepts the job.

Design a strategy to “impregnate the hearts of the Spanish with Jesus.” His ideas are provocative and risky, but Varela, captivated by the advisor’s intelligence and magnetism, accepts them without question. As a result, churches begin to serve Bacardi with cola instead of wine, and David Muñoz is hired to design signature hosts.

Jesus Christ is graphically restated by the Ogilvy agency. The son of God adopts from this moment the features of Jon Kortajarena. In addition, he is incorporated as a playable character in Fortnite and GTA Online.

In just four years, eight out of ten Spaniards go on to declare themselves practicing Christians. Redondo, grown by his success, asks Rouco Varela to make him a saint, which causes tension with the Vatican. Finally, the advisor leaves the Episcopal Conference because, in his own words, “God does not give for more.”

What if Juan Carlos I had not intervened in 23-F?

In the early morning of February 24, 1981, Juan Carlos I prepares to appear before the nation and order the rebel soldiers to respect the Constitution. The RTVE operators, however, cannot make the camera work. It is a device recently purchased by the public body and, as is clear at this time, the half-hour training course was insufficient.

The monarch, seeing that his position is in danger, asks that another simpler camera be brought to him, but, in that period, all the generals of Spain join the revolt and the army takes to the streets.

Juan Carlos I dresses in his wife’s clothes and flees to Portugal, where he continues to dress in his wife’s clothes for five more months without historians being clear about the reason. When Sofía asks him for a skirt, he asks for a divorce.

From exile, Juan Carlos sadly sees how Spain regresses towards the dictatorship, but soon realizes that melancholy does not make money. Use the family inheritance to assemble a chain of resorts of luxury oriented to an unscrupulous public with the human rights. Being a niche market without competition, the business stands out immediately.

Juan Carlos soon amassed a fortune. Compulsive buyer, he acquires the entire Algarve, which makes him the person who owns the most Portuguese (around 400,000).

In 2019, coinciding with the first democratic elections to be held in Spain in 37 years, Juan Carlos settles permanently on the International Space Station. Currently, it can be seen on clear nights soaring through the sky at 4.7 miles per second. Never has a Bourbon gone so fast.

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