Thursday, January 27

Why does patriarchy steal our pleasure and orgasms?

When we started to cultivate the land, men turned it into private property so that they could exploit it and pass it on as an inheritance to the new generations. Then it was the animals’ turn: they domesticated a few species, began to exploit them, to do business with them and, above all, with them. The females that could multiply the head of cattle.

Then it was our turn: women were locked up in the domestic space, we lost our right to control our sexuality and our reproduction. We were forced to be monogamous for life.

Patriarchal men stole our pleasure: our bodies should only be used to do business with each other and for sexual, reproductive, domestic and labor exploitation. Even the poorest man on earth has a personal maid who takes care of him and takes care of his sexual needs.

They kill us for having sex before marriage and for being unfaithful within marriage, even in countries where it is no longer legal to murder your wife under any circumstances.

But before we kill ourselves, we suffer other types of punishments.

To girls, in childhood and adolescence, they offer us tons of romance, but they do not talk about sex. The first time I was told about sex at school, it was to warn me how dangerous it was: you could get pregnant and become seriously ill.

Nobody explained to me that sex, when you are full of desire and are reciprocated, is one of the greatest pleasures in life.

Nobody explained to me that sex, when you don’t hate your body and are not at war with it, is one of the greatest and funniest passions in the world.

They didn’t talk to me about the delights of sex, but at least they didn’t beat me down psychologically like my grandmothers, who were subjected to the sadism of the Catholic religion that threatened them with going blind or deaf from masturbating, who talked to them about their body as a den of sin, that scared them with the possibility of going to hell for touching themselves and for touching other women and men.

Our mothers also suffered from this nightmare, but they were lucky enough to be able to experience the sexual revolution of the 70s of the 20th century. Not only was sex separated from reproduction with the commercialization of condoms and pills, but we were also able to free ourselves from guilt and sin.

A few women in the world could benefit from this sexual revolution: women from developed countries who lived in cities, mostly. The vast majority of the world’s women still live under the yoke of misogynistic bishops, priests and pastors who bombard them with the same messages as our grandmothers. For many girls and adolescents, their first sexual experience continues to be rape, usually perpetrated by their parents, stepparents, grandparents, brothers, uncles, and cousins. They are not only raped when they are ten years old: they are forced to marry their rapists and are forced to give birth. If they do not die in childbirth, they are tortured into unwanted motherhood for their entire lives.

Millions of young women in the world still do not receive sexual and emotional education in schools, and do not have access to contraceptives. Women continue to die every day from clandestine abortions. Their bodies are not theirs: the only thing they can do with them is give it to men to do business with each other. Poor women’s bodies are a commodity that men use to earn money. Trafficking in the bodies of poor women and their babies is one of the most lucrative businesses in the world.

For this reason, a woman’s body that is not at the service of man’s pleasure is a place of resistance to the violence of patriarchy and capitalism. The body that is not for sale, the body that cannot be used and thrown away, the body that is not offered to the gaze and desire of man, is a subversive body.

And that is why the pleasure of women is the epicenter of patriarchy. A body that enjoys itself, that does not offer itself to the sexual and reproductive needs of men, is a rebellious body, and endangers the entire system of male domination.

How many women in the world can we enjoy our eroticism and sexuality without fear? How many can we choose our motherhood? How many can we choose our sexual partners? We are very few.

Our bodies are not for us: they are for the husband, for the whore, for the pimp, for the porn addict, for the owners of reproductive or gender identity clinics, for the owners of beauty clinics, but not they are for us.

They discipline us to torture ourselves by starving ourselves with extreme diets, entering the operating rooms to remove pieces of meat and skin, training the body for hours to look firm, muscular and beautiful.

They threaten us with the idea that if our bodies do not like males, we will not get a husband, a job, or a happy family and, therefore, we will be left out, on the margins of the system and alone.

They raise us so that our goal in life is to awaken desire and raise the libido of males, and they give us a choice: we can offer ourselves to a single male to form a couple or to several. The important thing is that we like ourselves, that we get ready, that we invest tons of money, energy and time in being beautiful, and that we take care and worry about masculine pleasure.

And what happens when we claim our right to pleasure? That we are degenerates, and some whores. It is the preferred insult to punish free women: they lower us to the category of bad woman, woman to use and throw away, woman who does not deserve respect, to punish us all.

It is a very effective mechanism for women to forget our pleasure, give up our orgasms, repress ourselves, and surrender ourselves for life to satisfy the sexual needs of men.

Recently a study by LELO, a Swedish sex toy brand, declared that 46% of the women consulted reached orgasm in the heterosexual couple. Those who cannot achieve it when they are in a relationship, 29%, said that they did not relax enough to be able to enjoy sex; A few percent of the women did not arrive due to the lack of clitoral stimulation, and 40% of the women confessed to faking their orgasms so as not to hurt the male.

Why do we straight women care more about the fragile ego of our partners than our own pleasure? Why do we give up on cumming and give more importance to male orgasms than to our own?

Men find it difficult to enjoy sex and love because they don’t know how to talk about it. They are used to talking about sex with other men, usually to show off their achievements, not to exchange knowledge in the arts of love.

With their female partners it is even more difficult for them because they are not used to hearing a woman talk about her pleasure, her desire, her fantasies, her waves, her multiple orgasms.

We talk a lot about sex with our friends. We can’t talk to men because most of them get scared and their penises get small when they are faced with a free woman. So we have to be careful because if they think we are women to fuck, they are not going to fall in love with us: most men still believe that there are good women and bad, and that the bad ones are to use and to throw away.

Patriarchal masculinity is very fragile and men find it difficult to enjoy sex because they believe that their obligation as a male is to ejaculate to demonstrate their manhood. They lack humility, curiosity and generosity: they do not ask women what they like in sex for fear of not measuring up, and although they are ashamed of their ignorance, they find it difficult to ask and prefer to pretend that they are powerful males who know perfectly please your partners.

We we do like that they please us so they don’t feel bad.

But the truth is that these white lies only serve for males to maintain their ego and never learn to give pleasure to a woman.

What happens when we dare to tell our partner what we like and what we don’t like, what are our fantasies and where are our limits? That men feel uncomfortable because they are afraid of the free woman who knows and loves her body.

When we claim that we are more than holes, we are asking for humane treatment, and many men find that humiliating.

Our orgasms are not ours because their purpose is to make the male believe that he is powerful and great. The male generally enjoys only when the female submits, gets down on her knees, and forgets herself. The male does not enjoy sex, he enjoys the power he feels having a submissive and humiliated woman in front of him.

Men with a lot of sex drive are men.

Women with a lot of sexual appetite are nymphomaniacs.

They not only label us sick, but also crazy, hysterical, witches, sluts, whores, degenerates. That is why since we are little we learn to suppress and silence ourselves, and to put our bodies at the service of others.

Not only do men repress us: the voice of the patriarchal Lord that lives within us also scolds us when we are too hot, when we are too hot, when we run like crazy, and when we become vindictive.

The sexual abuse and rape we suffer in our childhood help women understand that our bodies are not ours, that the doctor, the priest, the teacher, the father, the grandfather, the neighbor and the husband rule them, and that they are the ones who take away our innocence and virginity.

Another form of discipline and torture that women suffer is obstetric violence: pregnancy and childbirth are sexual experiences that are still controlled by men. Gynecologists, nurses and health personnel exert this violence against our bodies so that we are clear that they are in charge. When newborn babies are taken from us, they do it so that we are clear who is in charge of our bodies and our lives, and so that babies suffer from the first minute the power of the State and the Patriarchy.

The ultimate goal is that we live at war with our bodies and renounce our right to pleasure, to dedicate ourselves to pleasing males. That is why they torture and crush us: there is nothing more threatening to the Patriarchy than the women they enjoy.